Plants, in general, like all organisms, detect and respond to stimuli in their environment. We make changes and adjust based on a variety of factors such as the weather, season, time of day, what kind of food and water they are taking in, and the soil in which they are planted. When they feel dry, we give them water. When the leaves start to wilt, we move them to the sunlight. Our main job as caretakers of a garden or a greenhouse, or our regular old houseplant is to understand their response, stimulate growth, and change how they grow.
We often see beautiful plants and flowers growing out of concrete, with no extra help given from humans. In other words, something can grow out of many different scenarios and environments, even the harshest of dirt, or the best of the earth’s soil. Growth of a plant can be stimulated in infinite, and various ways. When it comes to mental and emotional growth, our children are no different. Moving beyond photosynthesis from a plant to a person, we measure growth and success in our children in it different facets. We take continuous action to identify threats in their environment, prevent disease, remove triggers, and control influences. We adapt our parenting styles based on their age, temperament, who they are and who they want to be, and what goals they want to pursue.
In her 2016 article for the Harvard Business Review, author, and Stanford University psychologist. Carol S. Dweck, Ph.D shares, that “individuals who believe their talents can be developed (through hard work, good strategies, and input from others) have a growth mindset.” What exactly is a growth mindset, and how do we help our children develop key strategies to build their identities, create boundaries, and discover who they are? And what does this have to do with plants?
When we face challenges, receive criticism, or fare poorly compared with others, we can become insecure or defensive, which inhibits growth. Thinking and believing is not enough to develop a growth mindset. It is critical to adapt. At first glance, we may determine how successful someone is by how smart they are, how emotionally regulated, or what kind of good things they are putting out into the world. In a garden with the richest soil, perfect amount of water, and best sunlight, we expect plants to thrive and become strong, resilient, and successful in their bounty and beauty.
Of course, this does not mean it happens all without any help from us as parents, and any other positive role model in their lives. Take two very different emotions, frustration, and inspiration for example. Both of which can elicit either the a similar/same or a very different response for a child. When we build resilience, allow the mindset to feel empowered, let different people and appropriate experiences help push us past our comfort points or our boundaries, it becomes a challenge of whether we will work to improve ourselves and get motivated, or shrink and shrivel away. We can encourage a growth mindset thinking in our kids with positive reinforcement and by modeling growth mindset behavior.
I can remember a time when each of my kids were around four or five, and could not move past frustration when they were too little to do something. Most recently, my five-year-old who wanted to climb the doorway like Spider-Man, the same way his brother did. He was inspired by the big kids who could do these cool things that his little arms and legs could not. When he would get angry, we would take a deep breath together and I would remind him that he would be bigger soon, and could he would be able to reach both ends of the doorway. He would try again, and remember to take a deep breath every time he could not reach.
When my oldest son started playing little league baseball, every game, there were numerous little boys walking back from home plate, each of them crying when they struck out. The coaches would sit with each kid in the dugout for a few minutes until it was time to change up. By the time he was playing competitively in middle school, he learned the skills to take his coaches lessons or his critique of himself to do better for next time. He would shake it off, whether he was hitting or pitching, and try again.
Some people have a fixed mindset- they might see their behavior as a critique of themselves- either they did well or not. Seeing every moment as a learning opportunity to grow and become stronger, better, more athletic, in the next move is an example of a growth mindset. Like the plants needing to respond to different conditions and adapt based on the knowledge they have, and the tools they acquired.
As I am writing this, I am thinking of a share by a YHAV village member, who said that when and how we connect with our kids sometimes is the best tool that we can use. It’s often not the big heart to heart conversations that you see on television, or in a therapy session or group. The most important ones are usually the little tidbits that you get each day of a teaching/learning moment, validating their feelings, empathizing, and understanding where they are coming from, and making sure they know that you are there for them and want to be there for them where they are, and for who they are. I recently moved a sad looking houseplant a few inches over in the window to achieve a few more minutes of sunlight a day, then I trimmed a few cuttings. Two simple things that took seconds of my day allowed me to share the plant with friends, and allows the plant to grow fuller, stronger, and encourages new growth as well.
Dweck also shares in her 2006 book, Mindset, the New Psychology of Success “It’s not always the people who start out the smartest who end up the smartest.” Do the best seeds yield the best plants? No. The ones who can adapt and respond appropriately to the many different responses the plant is exposed to over time are usually the most well-adjusted and successful. Kids with a growth mindset understand that challenges are an important part of growth, and they are willing to put in the hard work necessary to achieve their goals. When we focus more growth and the journey instead of the result, help kids persist through setbacks, and encourage our children to reach their full potential, kids (and our plants) will thrive throughout life.
Laura
Read more:
Mindset: The New Psychology of Success Hardcover – February 28, 2006
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